Gau and Raikou's wonderful WalMart adventure
by Enemy of Righteousness
Summary: Gau and Raikou go to Wal-Mart one day. They face deadly Yu-Gi-Oh cards, talking oranges, Carpetdogs, flyin' sea lampreys and more! Oh the joys they will have...


**I don't even know...**

* * *

Wal-mart, was probably the biggest grocery store in the world, at least, that's what they thought. It was loud in the store, they could hear various people talking and children yelling across the building. To add to this, there where a shit load of people in the store. It was starting to seem like an amusement park more then a supermarket. In fact, if you listened closely you could hear a miniature roller coaster and kids screaming bloody murder on it. Or maybe it was the people screaming because of the mutant rats from hell. No one knows anymore.

"Why are there so many people here?" Raikou asked himself, staring at the crowds of people and ridicuasly long lines at the cashiers. The pink haired samurai glanced at Gau, who's eye were twitching with his mouth agape.

"Are yo-" Raikou didn't get to finish his sentence because Gau suddenly ran towards the other end of the store, and took a imminent left. Raikou blinked, wondering what the hell was his problem now. Shrugging, he deiced to leave Gau alone for a bit and went to look around Wal-Mart. Not his best idea.

After passing the rapist rainbows from an unicorns ass, the devil children from down left and the gang of Carpetdogs that had tried to suck his blood, Raikou had finally arrived to the cereal isle. He began to search for Lucky Charms, cause those where the bestest ever.

"I CHALLEGE YOU TO A DUEL!" Raikou blinked, again, at the kid who stood in front of him. He only looked to be ten, maybe younger and had spiky hair that looked like dog shit, his eyes looked about the same color too and was wearing a Sakura cosplay. More importantly, he help up a deck of out-dated Yu-Gi-Yo cards. Too bad Raikou didn't run on the spot, because I sure would have. The crazy-ass kid took one of the Yu-Gay-Hoe cards and threw it, right at the pink haired man. Of course, they where cards, so Raikou deiced not to bother to dodge it, but when pain shot through his right arm he deiced that was a bad idea.

Raikou took a step to the left and looked at his arm and saw that his skin was cut. The kid laughed, throwing three cards now. This time, Raikou made sure to dodge the ones that came his way, but one of the three went off track and got stuck in a Cheerios box. He saw that the cards where rimmed with a small blade, making it a deadly weapon, or something. Who the hell had time to make deadly weapon's out of Yu-Gay-Hoe cards anyways!? The kid didn't hesitate and threw about six or more cards, aimed at Raikou. He was able to dodge three of the cards, but one of them cut his left arm while the second cut his cheek. It's unforgivable to scar a girls face, but Raikou's a man so who the hell cares!? Raikou thought he could make a run for it for a moment, then he saw IT. To his left, the last Lucky Charms box was laying on the tiled foor, cut in too with the sexy marshmallows and ugly cereal spilled all over the floor. It was on now.

When the kid threw the next batch of cards Raikou didn't hesitate this time. He took three boxes of cereal and threw them at the underage kid. Two of them where cut open by the cards but the last one hit the kid square in the face, making him fall on his fat ass. After three and a half minutes the kid stood back up, looking confused.

"What the hell...." He said, wondering why and how a Frosted Flakes box could hit him so hard to make him fall over. Raikou wondered too, but didn't really care too much. The kid went from confused to pissed in two and a half nanoseconds and began viciously throwing the devil cards at the samurai. In return, he threw more boxes at the kid along with a can of chicken soup and a box of tampons. This went on pointlessly for about twenty minutes, maybe more, without anyone noticing. People did stumble upon the fight but just walked in and grabbed the cereal they wanted anyways. It wasn't anything new or strange to them, they have seen worse. They may have banned stripping at K-Mart. but not Wal-Mart. They haven't banned guns, knives, drugs, prostitutes or rape at Wal-Mart either

The two stood, facing each other. Both where panting heavily now, and both where out of weapons. All the Yu-Gi-Oh cards where someplace at Raikou's side of the isle and the cereal boxes where all ripped with the cereal spilled on the floor. This created the second biggest cereal ocean Wal-Mart has ever seen! No one wants to talk about the biggest anymore.....that was very unfortunate. Before they where able to go onto the next isle to create more chaos three pink haired kids walked into the isle. All of them looked to be only eight or so, each wearing the same smile. Suddenly they all jumped onto the dog shit haired kid, biting into his skin. The Carpetdogs had struck again! Raikou made sure to get out of there, the Wal-Nazi's where coming.

Now, far away from the cereal isle was Raikou, looking at the produce section. This was another bad idea. As he was looking at the oranges, and a spicy tuna roll jumped up from the air and bit onto his nose.I know what your thinking; How the hell is that possible? Well, remember, this IS Wal-Mart. After ripping the sushi roll off his face in eating it he began to look at the oranges again. After spending twenty minutes staring at the oranges something interesting and worth writing down finally happened.

"How are you? Said the catipiller." Said the orange, which now had two large eyeballs and a mouth.

"Tuesday is coming, did you remember your coat?" Asked the third orange.

"I live in a giant bucket." Stated the third orange, who looked a lot like Chuck Norris.

Raikou stared at the fruit, wondering what he should say. Actually, the best idea was to walk away slowly. Who knows, maybe their Carpetdogs in disguise. Raikou never had to answer, because a four year old came and shot every orange with a toothpick gun and ate them all. After he was done the boy gained two hundred and a half pounds. He also won a pet Sea Lamprey.

"Maybe I should buy a coat for Tuesday..." Wondered Raikou as he walked away to find Gau. He passed each isle, and when he started seeing some that where completely clean and organized he knew he was close. Just call it woman's intuition. When he reached the last isle in the back, which was also clean and organized, Raikou was about to go back when he saw no one there. But, then he noticed a very large purple and yellow poka-doted suit case in the middle of the floor. The thing is, it was moving, and even making noises. The pink haired samurai walked up to the suit case and lightly kicked it. In response it started moving rapidly and angirly. It sounded it was growing too. Instead of doing the logical thing and finding a tazer,Raikou just un-zipped the ugly travailing case.

Instead of a rabid wild animal, out came a very angry looking Gau. But if it was a rabid animal, I wouldn't be surprised. Gau swung his head left to right wildly, searching for the rainbow marker pixie's that had stuffed him in there before he saw Raikou looking at him like he was an idiot. When Gau finally noticed his saviour standing there his eyes sparkled like a little girls and smiled.

"Raikou-san..." But Gau's happiness didn't last long, because Raikou just hit him, yelling about how he was an idiot. After the incident, the two deiced to get serious and took the unattended cart next to them after throwing everything on the floor. At least, Raikou threw them, Gau panicked and put them on the shelves.

"How much money do we have anyways?" Gau asked, looking at the cart full of various objects. They have grabbed a bunch of random and useless things and where nearly done at Wal-Mart after the three or more hours they spent there. He doubted they had enough money or space for the stuff. Raikou shrugged and took out his wallet. Just before he was about to count his money his wallet disappeared. The pink haired man looked at his hand in shock, where the hell did his wallet go? Gau, on the other hand, knew. He pointed towards the left where a blue haired boy, probably in his teenage years, was running. Gau's mouth was wide open, like those kids mouths on those Honey-something commercials

"Ha Ha! Got your wallet bitch!" Yelled the blue haired teenage before he ran to the left, hiding amongst the shelves and people. Gau looked at Raikou, panic-stricken.

"W-what are we going to do?!" The black haired boy asked, staring at Raikou's blank face. After a moment Raikou pulled out his Katana and Gau went into an even deeper form of panic.

"WHEN DID THAT GET HERE?!?!" Gau shouted, pointing at the weapon of mass destruction. He was sure it was illegal to carry a sword into Wal-Mart, but it was Wal-mart, so who knows? It could be perfectly legal to sell crystal meth and child pornography as long as its in Wal-Mart. They DO have everything after all. Before Gau could stop him, Raikou ran off to catch, or kill/maul, the blue haired teen. This could only end badly, or even in death. Cause everyone knows they sells nukes in Wal-Mart.

Gau ran after his lover.....er....friend,right, friend in attempt to stop him from committing murder. To Gau's luck, one million Flyin' Sea Lampreys where on the lose in the store and where trying to suck the blood of every customer in sight. So, to prevent this from happening to himself, Gau took the meat from the meat place next to him. He then ripped them all open and threw them towards the Tyrannosaurus Rex exhibit to the far right. No one know how Wal-Mart got a hold of live dinosaurs, or how they fed them. Maybe thats why so many people disappeared when they visited Wal-Mart...

After evading the Flyin' Sea Lampreys Gau finally caught up with his lover. Sorry, I meant friend, or would it be friends with benefits? Anyways, Raikou and the teen where fighting each other, each using their own sword. The teenager must have grabbed it at the dangerous weapons isle. Formed around them where people who where cheering and eating popcorn. They haven't seen a great fight in a while and where quite blood thirsty today. The two where about to completely kill each other to death, when Gau suddenly deiced to stop them.

Gau was about to jump in between them again like he did when Raikou fought Raimei, but someone beat him to it.

"ALRIGHT! I'M COP, I'M GONG TO BUST YOU!" Yelled the cop as he put the two in hand cuffs while the other confiscated their weapons, wallets, social security numbers, credit cards and other important cop stuff. At least, thats what they call it. Lies, lies I tell you, all lies. Gau's mouth was agape and the people where complaining, they really wanted to see some bloodshed.

"SHIT, ITS THE FUZZ!" Yelled one of the pink haired Carpetdogs and they all skedaddled right out of that place. Well, I guess Carpetdogs really where banned at Wal-Mart. Who would have thought?

Ten minutes later the people finally went back to their own business. Gau stood outside of the cop car, talking to his lover. They would have to pose-pone the plans they had for that night for another time, if you know what I mean.

"So, what are we going to do?" Asked Gau, who was also wondering how this all happened anyways.

"Take some more of Yukimi's money and bail me out." Raikou told him, while the teenager beside him tried to bite Raikou's face off.

They'll make sure not to go to Wal-Mart ever again, which was a wise decision if you weren't looking to fuck things up someplace. Then going to Wal-Mart would be perfect! Gau nodded and the cop car drove away, taking them to jail. Lets just hope Raikou doesn't get butt-raped and get AIDS, then their plans would have to be pose-poned even longer.

* * *

**As weird as it is, I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Please review! Thanks for reading! :D**


End file.
